“The One Who Never Let Go”

By Verlinda & John Garcia

It’s been four days since we first met Greg and Julie Alexander at a Couples of Faith night held at a St. Mary Magdalen parish in San Antonio, and I’m still moved when I think of their testimony. I must admit I had some reservations, because, a marriage on the brink of divorce and being saved is something I’ve heard of before, more than once. So, what made their story unique?

Well, that was simple: It was the genuine sincerity the Alexanders expressed when they spoke of each other, and their passion to empower and save marriages through our glorious Faith.

John and I met in 1997, then married in 1999 (we did not receive the marriage sacrament). Two short years later, we were divorced.

In the early days of our marriage we lived in a gated community in Helotes, Texas, with our new baby girl. Both of us had great jobs. Despite all these blessings, we were too busy “living life” to go to church for Sunday Mass or anything else.

Then 9/11 happened. Soon afterwards, my military reserve unit was called to active duty. Within months our marriage was over, not so much for John as it was for me. I asked for the divorce over the phone while I was across the country waiting to fly overseas.

To me, ending our marriage was as simple as asking him to stop by the store, and pick up a gallon of milk on the way home. I had no emotion, no regret; I was ready to be “free.” I was eager to have fun and all that came with it.

How naïve I was. I literally had the audacity to break this man’s heart, with a phone call! Did I forget to mention he was at work on duty at the time? Or that my sweet John is a city police officer?

When I came back home I moved out almost immediately. I left him standing there with puffy, reddened eyes as our beautiful, 18-month-old baby girl slept. I figured the worst was over. Six months later the morning had come for the divorce decree to be signed by the judge. I did not want to go.

Heavy-hearted, I felt a sadness that could only be equated to mourning. I sat at the kitchen table in the clothes I had slept in and tried to feed myself chicken soup. I will never forget staring at the clock on the wall. The little hand ticked, ticked, ticked away…and before I knew it, the hour, minute and second had come and gone where I went from being “Mrs. John Garcia” to being just me.

I felt conflicted; this is what I wanted, right? It couldn’t be regret. “Surely it will be better in a few days,” I told myself.

Weeks went by and the nothingness continued to consume me. To make matters worse, John had begun to spend time with someone. And all the things and people I use to think made me happy couldn’t shake my depression.

Then, one night, the crying out loud turned into praying out loud. I continued to pray night after night. I began to feel a sense of reassurance; a feeling that told me “John will be in your life again” and “It will all be okay.” I even talked back to this feeling. It told myself “No, this is over, John is gone, I have no one but myself to blame.” The feeling never wavered, and never went away.

Within three months of praying and nine months after the divorce, Glory be to God, John and I reconciled. That would be a perfect ending to this article, but as always, things happen.

Yes, I got my husband back. But I forgot to keep praying, and I had even forgotten my promise to God: “Please take my pain and anguish away, let me be in John’s arms again, and I will go back to church and tell everyone I know that divorce is not the first, second or third option when things get tough.”

Again, John and I did not receive the marriage sacrament, but we did have a second daughter and even went to church a couple of times. Now, I thought, “all” will be okay. And it was okay…until the day my eight-month-old daughter was sleeping as I painted my six-year-old daughter’s room with Disney princess colors. I remembered feeling overwhelmed as I covered the pretty dark-pink wall with the dark-purple paint. Tears came to my eyes. And I knew; instantly I knew.

I waited for John to come home, then told him “I know. I know the high you are feeling, I know the spring in your step, and I know how right it feels even though it isn’t!” I knew it all, and John knew why I knew. After all, didn’t we go through this experience years before when it was I who had those feelings?

So again I prayed, and after a couple of weeks we resolved to keep our family together. But, again three years later, trouble found us. John and I thought our situation was too much to handle as a couple, and as individuals. We knew so many marriages that had divorced for far less than what we had already endured.

So we agreed to separate, and I moved out with our daughters. This time, it was John who prayed for us. He also found good, strong friends with great faith, and they prayed with him.

Months later, as I realized the end of my marriage was near and my drinking was well on its way to full- blown alcoholism, I remembered a friend who had persuaded me to go to an ACTS retreat. We had not spoken for at least seven months. But I had begun to experience those negative feelings and damaging self-talk again—and knew I needed help. I felt compelled to call her, and instantly burst into tears when I heard her say “hello.”

Although I was “sure” her suggestion to move back home wouldn’t help save my marriage, I felt I had to try something to fix it. A few days after our conversation, I was living with my family.

Months later, as John and I were driving home from la married couples retreat, I turned to him and said, “You know what just came to me? After all these years, when we had both done all that we could do to let go of this marriage, we still kept finding our way back. I think I know why….It’s because every time we let go of each other, every time we had hurt one another, even when we had let go of God, He was there holding us and keeping us. In spite of all we had done, it was God who never let go!”

I am happy to write that John and I currently are working with our priest so that we may receive the sacrament of marriage soon. We both know Our Heavenly Father will be there by our side and, assured by our faith, trust that in all the days ahead He will never let us go!

Update: Currently John and Verlinda are involved with The Alexander House’s Covenant of Love Ministry at St. Paul Parish (San Antonio). They continue to work, pray and live for their marriage daily. Verlinda knows that by helping other couples through Covenant of Love, she is finally fulfilling her promise made to God many years ago.